2005-05-12 - 10:26 p.m.
What I'm listening to: my headphones.
Auto-pilot and cupid and all that shit aside, I must admit and acknowledge that I am fairly disappointed, and sad, that the lovely lady is pushing me away. Or rather that I'm getting mixed signals. While I don't doubt that she may be confused, have other interests in mind, etc-a variety of explanations, etc I guess it's just annoying.
I'm at a stage where the first thing I look for is chemistry. What happens when we're together, etc. And when I'm with her I feel really really good. I like who I am when I'm with her, and I like how I perceive that we get along, and so on and so on. Dunno, just ranting.....but when I think about it, we haven't spent that much time together, so maybe I'm getting too emotionally involved too fast and idealizing... That's part of the problem when you just 'run with it', and don't step back once and a while.
Time has been totally fucked up since I returned from Britain. Meetings and events with everybody feels like ages ago, even though in realtime it may just be a couple of hours, or a day or two. I think this is what is called disconnect.
I ended up joining the gym that I was hesitant to frequent. It is wonderful, and paying membership, and going there now makes me feel more like a part of something off campus. All in all not a bad move.
Got a call from one of my best friends in Victoria. It was nice to talk to him again, and he mentioned that the road trip that we were planning may actually happen, this July. That'll be great. A real holiday.
After our conversation, I have decided to live alone next year. He mentioned that he may want to scout out Montreal for jobs, and I offered him a place to stay in the city if need be. Realistically, if I have roomates, then that will be more difficult. In my own space, it's no problem. So I'll be buying the paper tomorrow morning and scouting a bit further east, where the rent is cheaper.
After some more work, I think I'll hit the canvas tonight. It'll give me something to do/think about that isn't work, etc.
