2005-05-02 - 9:01 p.m.
What I'm listening to: I Want to Talk About You-John Coltrane.
Just came back from Ottawa, overcome with a wave of sadness. Not sure if it's the anxiety of apartment hunting, or something else. Was probably going to work in Ottawa this summer, but that's kinda fallen through. I wasn't counting on it, but the money would have been very very nice, but living in Ottawa would have about as enjoyable as watching the drinking bird.
So for all intensive purposes I'll be living here over the summer. Wonderful, get to enjoy the festivities, and write! I'm really looking forward to getting my thesis underway, and smoking copious amounts of exotic pharmaceuticals.
Finally did my taxes. That will pay for the recent trip to Europe, in case my travel expenses can't be reimbursed. So nice to have a tax return, working full time and going to school full time in the same year. Shame I won't be able to do that for 2005...or at least I hope not.
But the job that I had lined up in Ottawa, is such that they may say they don't have any money, but then they call you up to ask if you can start tomorrow, or something like that...oye vey. Poor planning...
While I do admit to looking at my neighbours from time to time, I have an eerie feeling that somebody across the way has hung themselves. I don't want to jump to conclusions, but it's just the way that the shadows are falling, and the shadow looks like it's a human form, limp, and swaying a bit. I have no real way of knowing, but all I will do is hope for the best, and that what I seem to witness is in fact not the case.
I doubt I will be very picky about the view when I look for a new place. Price is key, and area. Ideally, I'd like to have a bedroom and a seprarate office, but we'll see what the budget allows. Balcony would be nice as well. Or more appropriately, an elevated smoker's porch.
Seeing as I was at my parent's place for 3 days, I didn't smoke once even though I came prepared. I got the cravings el grande when myself and the 'rents did the usual weekend morning tea session-ranges from jokes, to intellectual banter, to gossip. But of course, our dining table is like the cone of silence on Get Smart. Everything discussed there, while gently tapping, gently rapping, never leaves that space. Nevermore.
I think I'm still angry about a lot of the shit that went on when I lived in the UK. When I see those people, those people who treated me like a servant, those people who treated me with malicious evil, I get raving mad. But, can still be diplomatic and be civil. But on the inside, I'm still burning with rage. It's in the past. Time to move on.
But the after effects of such trauma do take time to wither away and fold themselves into grander narratives. But things still surface. On most of the tea sessions this weekend, involved venting, of their travel stories with the relatives, and mine as well. I talked and ranted so much that I gave myself a headache. I thought 'jeez, I really need to shut up, lighten up, or light up'. But my parents are such wonderful people that they have this way of looking at the best in everything, and making the worst mood into sunshine.
I met an old prof today for lunch. He was one of my mentors during my undergraduate degree, and helped me out a great deal for the conference that I just went to-mostly with the abstract. I told him the story of my chair, who blasted my conference paper every chance he got, etc. The prof was appalled, and thought that this chair's behaviour was the worst he's ever heard of. This prof is a good friend, and very just, so I trust his opinion and his judgment. He won't blow sunshine up my ass. If something sucks, or if I tell him a story and if he thinks that I'm being childish or unreasonable, then he'll tell me so. I really respect that, his straightforward manner and his honesty. He is like a father figure, but more like a crazy uncle.
Good times.
