2005-03-10 - 12:44 a.m.
What I am listening to: Hai Apna Dil Tho Awara-Hemant Kumar (When Your Heart Will Come to Me, Bollywood film song from the 1950s) on open reel tape, 7 1/2 i.p.s.
I had forgotten the warmth of open reel tape. Not to mention the child-like facination of the turning wheels, lights and needles.
In dialogue with a colleague last night over tobacco, the topic of high maintenance girls came up. I was reminded of a conversation that occured while working for the Archives last summer. I was out for lunch with two of the summer students, both female and younger than myself.
"Hey KhanSahib, so you're a man"
"Yeah, last time I checked"
"So what is it with these high-maintenance girls? What do guys see in them?"
I shrugged, and still do. I don't know what the facination is. Maybe it's a sign of insecurity on the part of the male, to want to be with such a species. It makes them feel manly, in control, all that sort of crap. I guess it's a boost to the ego, to feel like you're doing something.
But, I don't think it's entirely wrong to feel wanted, needed, or feel like you have some value in a relationship. I remember chatting with somebody here in September, and I think it was our second or third meeting, she told me that she's into domination, s&m and the likes. That's the last thing you tell somebody if you've only met them a few times. It's like saying what you like to do in bed on the first date. For most humans, it's just a no-no. It's getting too close, too fast. Not only that, saying that you like to dominate is not a wise thing to say to someone who does post-colonialism. When you're being dominated, you have no value. And when you're dominating, it's more about your own need rather than the two of you together: the person you're dominating has no value, and is more or less irrelevant. They have no significant contributing identity and could be any corpse with a pulse.
I think it's a quintessential human quality to feel like you have value in a relationship, dating or friends, or at work etc. But, the high maintenance thing is going overboard. It's for a guy that needs constant re-assurance of his value as a 'man'.
I'm seeing an apartment tomorrow, for July or September occupation. It's no smoking tobacco, but I can cure my glaucoma from time to time, as long as I'm not chronic. They do however have a jacuzzi, and a dishwasher, which is nice. My main criteria is to be with the right people, ultimately. If they might be good to live with, if I get good vibes, then it might be a step in the right direction, even if the neighbourhood isn't ideal. I'll see tomorrow.
The queen of the house is very high maintenance. This worries me slightly, because it may be like living with a guy who's a control freak. The latter I find funny. I think to myself 'good god, you're so insecure that you can't kick back and chill but you have to control everybody else to try to inflate your already non-existent ego'.
So this high maintenance lady said that she was the 'mom' of the last house that she lived in, and that's why there's an egalitarian cleaning schedule in the current house. Apparently she was cleaning up after everybody else, and that's not cool. I couldn't agree more. In a domestic arrangement, it's not fair for one person to do everything. Everybody should pull their own wait, so I sympathize with the mom thing, but if I wanted to live with mom I'd move back in with my own. No thanks I'm too old to be mothered, thanks.
But.....jacuzzi......JACUZZI!!!!!!!!! A real one too, so you don't have to fart in the tub just to get active bubbles.
