2005-03-08 - 12:00 p.m.
What I'm listening to: Long Long Long by the Beatles (White Album con't)
I didn't used to believe in ghosts. My first sighting was of my maternal grandfather who raised me. I saw him around last October. I was in my bedroom, sitting on the edge of my bed, putting my socks on about to go out to photograph the city. He was sitting near the window on an old grey kitchen chair that came from my late uncle's place. He was in a 3-piece suit, smiling like I remember, looked as he did say around 1982. I did a double take, and naturally he wasn't there.
He came up in a dream the other night. He was in what I think was my apartment, on my sofa, looking like he did say around 1953, from what I 'know' from photographs. I remember we chatted, but he mostly chatted about generalities, usually to himself, staring off into space. I don't remember what he said exactly, but he wasn't the architype of the wise old man in this dream. Totally out of character from what I remember.
He was always there for me, always there for guidance, I felt like number one. The same is true for both of my grandparents. They were always there for me. My grandfather has been gone for 15 years, my grandmother barely 7 months. The latter died right in front of me. I think about both of you often and miss you both more than you'll ever know.
One of my uncles from this set of grandparents told me about a concept in Islamic philosophy alled 'Barzakh', and as far as I know there is no translation for it in English. It is your state of existence after your soul has left your body and waiting for Judgement Day. In essence, it could be argued that ghosts in fact are everywhere. When a soul is in this state it is somewhat omnipresent as far as I can understand.
So this uncle has told me that the dead ancestors guide him in strange ways (I might add that he's an aquarian as well, moreso than I am). He told me that after my grandfather died, he would 'see' him in waking life in front of him, as if he were still alive. An elder told my uncle that this is 'barzakh', and don't bother trying to analyse it because it is beyond human understanding, but just accept it and move on.
As I venture more into academia, I'm more engaged with the supernatural, the unexplained. It's so refreshing, especially when one is in an environment where it is believed that absolutely everything can be quantified and therefore understood rationally. The mysteries of the world and human life are empowered with so much negative space that one can't help but be drawn to the unknown, the unseen, out of sheer awe and facination.
