2005-03-03 - 3:23 p.m.
What I'm listening to: Come Together-The Beatles.
Admittedly, this first entry has been inspired by our fellow uberfrau. Most gatherings have seen this blog idea come up in conversation. Seems like an interesting endevour, to bring private thoughts into various publics, and having them read by complete strangers. Should be an interesting sounding board.
As I get older I'm wondering if it's asking too much to be happy. Admittedly once again, the other inspiration to start this blog was it a short period of sadness this morning. I've been out once or twice with some very nice ladies here in Montreal, and have been totally turned off for some reason or another afterwards. Perhaps it is a defense mechanism, to fault find, out of the fear of being hurt. I don't remember being this defensive in my younger years, in undergraduate life and so on. I went out with one lady a month or so ago, and sexually, there was nothing there. She's a handsome lady and very interesting to talk to, but the spark died really fast. Even now, when we chat, nothing.
Last night, I went out with a bunch of kind folks. One of the ladies, I have considered dating, but alas the same thing. I remember the first time we hung out, I fell hopelessly in love with her, to the point where you feel like you've been away from each other for an eternity, but when you look at your watch, it's barely been a day.
I think Joni Mitchell put it best "I've seen some hot hot blazes, come down in, smokin' ash". That's the story of my life here in Montreal, ever since moving here six months ago. I am well aware of the 'needy' vibe, and am quite conscious not to give off this vibe, or keep myself in check to see if this is the reason for my various attractions. I don't think that's the case.
I generally like to take things slow, and see if we can laugh and have a good time together. This is how it starts, then it falls in smokin' ash. Oh well, life is young and I probably shouldn't give up so easily. That's an Aquarian thing-keeping your mental guard up, and not letting oneself go.
Must remember-the happy couples out there have been working at their relationship for a while, and no doubt had various rocky starts. But, as the eternal idealist, is it asking too much to try to make the fairy tale a reality?
